The Twin Moons of Delight
by serendip
Summary: Hitsugaya opens his mouth while doing his science homework and learns an invaluable lesson about static electricity.


Hitsugaya had yet to recover from the time he asked whether Matsumoto could generate electricity by rubbing them together.

"Everything is made of atoms. Atoms are made of electrons. Electrons can move. Opposites attract," Hitsugaya read out loud. "What sort of drivel do humans study anyways? I suppose if you rubbed yours together, there would be quite a charge, don't you think?"

He said this with a snigger, but Matsumoto pursed her lips.

"Well, my breasts are twin mounds of perfection, so they're not exactly opposite. I'd have to rub them against something else," she said, looking around the room.

Hitsugaya returned to his book, his white head bent over the pages.

"Perfect!" Matsumoto shouted, bounding across the room in an eerie reenactment of Kon's latest day dream.

Hitsugaya's cries were muffled but enough to bring Orihime into the room.

"Hitsugaya-kun, what's wrong? Do you have another boo-boo? I told you not to listen to Ikkaku-kun's baiting, he doesn't mean anything of it!" Orihime cried. "Rangiku-san, we have to save him."

Matsumoto released her captain, his hair a crisp white halo around his flushed, ever-darkening face, his arms crossed against his chest.

"Orihime-chan, I think we have a solution to your problem," she said with a smile. "I only hope that we're up to the task."

"Hitsugaya-kun, how did you know the science fair was coming up? You're so thoughtful and considerate!" Orihime trilled, clutching Hitsugaya to her bosom and attracting even more opposites.

Poor Hitsguaya--his short height and plentiful hair made him a perfect model for static electricity demonstrations. Hitsugaya's glare was lost, in more ways than one.

Orihime stood in front of her science fair project, fairly bursting with pride. The sign above the display said "OPPOSITES ATTRACT" with furry little electrons skittering about. Matsumoto insisted that they needed to coordinate costumes, so Orihime obliged, whipping up low cut nightgowns—the better to rub you with, Matsumoto had purred at Hitsugaya.

Hitsugaya, of course, was most displeased with his costume.

"Why do I have to wear this thing?" he muttered, staring at the red flannel contraption.

"Dirty pillows," Orihime said with a smile. "And I couldn't resist the teddy bear buttons. Don't you think they're perfect?"

"There is a flap for my ass!" Hitsugaya said as he held the onesie by its legs.

"Think of it as a natural extension of yourself then—highlights your qualities, if you would, Captain," Matsumoto said as she twirled around the room in her costume.

So Hitsugaya found himself, sitting in a large cardboard box, wearing a red, flannel one piece pyjama suit with teddy bear buttons on his ass. They did not pay him enough for this job. Unfortunately, the other shinigami had gotten wind of this.

"Looking stylin', Captain," Ikkaku leered as he snapped photos of Hitsugaya.

"This is particularly ugly, even for you, Hitsugaya. Surely, someone with pale colouring such as yours would never go near a red like that," Yumichika said as he wiped his mouth carefully with a handkerchief.

Renji and Rukia were too busy choking and beating each other with their fists to chime in. Such unholy glee was to be expected in youth, Hitsugaya thought with a martyred sigh.

A girl with glasses stepped up to the booth. Orihime squeaked, clapping her hands.

"Our first customer! Welcome, Chizuru-chan!"

Chizuru, however, could only stare at Matsumoto and her ample assets. Hitsugaya noted that drool appeared to be staining her collar. How uncouth.

"Just press the button," Orihime continued. "You'll see how opposites attract."

Chizuru nodded and pressed the button. Matsumoto leaned forward and applied more friction than Hitsugaya felt necessary.

"See how Hitsugaya-kun's hair stands up? Isn't it wonderful?" Orihime gushed. "I must admit, Rangiku-san has to get credit for the idea as well, and she's been kind enough to split the booth time with me. I have sensitive skin and the rash medicine is so expensive."

Chizuru nodded again and fell to the floor, blood flowing freely from both nostrils. Hitsugaya's lip curled. Matsumoto ruffled his hair and he winced as the sparks danced along his scalp.

Orihime had managed to corner every person in the fair and demand that they try out her booth. She worried that Rangiku and Hitsugaya were not fitting in—what better way to increase their popularity than bringing everyone to the booth and introducing them? She was fairly sure she had gotten everyone. The blood, of course, was a little disconcerting, but she was used to that sort of thing—it came with the territory of being well-endowed. Surely she had missed someone though. She scanned the room.

"Inoue-san, you're looking as lovely as ever," a tall male said, smiling kindly.

"Do I know you?" Orihime asked.

"Imagine me with dark rimmed glasses, I believe you mortals call them, emo-style?" the man continued.

Orihime paused, tilting her head.

"Aizen-san?" she whispered.

She grabbed his hand. This was the perfect opportunity! The shinigami were all by her booth. All she had to do was bring him there.

"How is Kurosaki-kun? He looks so much like his mother, doesn't he?" Aizen asked, walking along with Orihime calmly.

"He's…"

"No matter, I'm sure he's well. So strong and sure now, all grown up," Aizen said, patting her hand.

Orihime, for once, was at a loss for words. They were quiet until they approached the booth.

"Now remember," Orihime whispered as Aizen approached the test button, "you mustn't blow your cover."

Orihime waved frantically at the watching shinigami, pointing at Aizen, frantically wiggling her fingers at her temples.

"Is this some kind of human come on?" Ikkaku asked Yumichika.

Ichigo strolled by, holding Yuzu and Karin's hands. Orihime began gesturing in earnest. She was now pantomiming buttoning a cardigan and crying into her hands. Ichigo looked to his sisters. They shrugged in unison.

"Orihime, it's your turn to man the booth!" Matsumoto trilled. "Although, I suppose we're really womanning the booth."

At the rate she was going, Matsumoto would blow her mortal world allowance on cover up.

Ichigo's eyebrow twitched as he watched Matsumoto apply yet another fresh layer on her glorious mounds. Then, remembering Yuzu and Karin, he turned on his heel and attempted to act cool. Karin rolled her eyes.

"Science, what a noble pursuit," Kon said, lying in a pool of his own blood.

"Don't talk when they're around!" Ichigo hissed under his breath.

"Matsumoto-san, you're even bigger than Orihime," Yuzu gasped.

"Don't look, Yuzu!" Ichigo hissed as he frantically shielded Yuzu's eyes.

Matsumoto smiled and continued applying the cover up. Hitsugaya rolled his eyes.

And back in Hueco Mundo….

Shouldn't we alert Aizen-sama?" Grimmjaw asked Gin.

"Maybe in a few years," Gin replied, adjusting the focus on his binoculars to zoom in.

Hitsugaya would recognise those feet anywhere. Being the shortest Captain seemed to have its advantages after all.

"I really wish Matsumoto would tell me this was all a plan to lure the Arrancar-tachi. Couldn't she have picked one that was less humiliating?" Hitsugaya thought.

"You wouldn't think hair would cause such a rash. Hmm, are those teeth marks? Why Captain, I never knew you swung that way," Matsumoto said, fluttering her eyelashes outrageously. "I suppose I won't have any trouble getting your signature for my application to lift the cap on my allowance then."

During the battle with Aizen, Hitsugaya had only one regret—Orihime never did woman the booth.


End file.
